Silence is Golden

My girls seem to own every toy that makes a noise.  There are the play phones ringing, different things singing, baby dolls crying, and not to mention the instruments.  Now I love my family dearly, but we do not seem to be musically inclined.  I knew they had no chance from my side of the family, but my husband has a few piano players on his side, so I thought there might be a chance.  This does not appear to be the case, but yet we still own about every instrument you can think of.  I hear the piano, the organ, the guitars, the drums, the violin, and the horns, oh those terrible, ear-splitting horns.

Silence...........AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!  Wonderful!!!!!

When it occurs, it is usually such a breath of fresh air.

But wait, it is not nap time.  It is not bed time.  What in the world could be happening?

If silence does occur between the times of 7:00am-1:00pm or 3:30pm-8:30pm there is a chance there is mischief taking place.  Now in my girls defense, this is not always the case.  There are times they are quietly reading books or coloring in a coloring book or playing quietly in the tent.  And when I peer in on those oh so blissful moments, my heart is overfilled with joy.  But, and there is always a but, there are the silences that are full of quietly coloring on the furniture or dumping every basket in the house or pulling all the clothes out of every drawer.

Silence............SSSCCCRRRRREAM!!!!!  "Don't do that!!!!!!"

Silence during nap time/quiet time is so refreshing.  No wondering if they are misbehaving.  No mediating arguments.  No fixing broken toys.  No calming crying babies.  No noise!!!!!!

But then I sit down to read my Bible, read an article, read a chapter in a book, and pray, and the noise starts back.  The noise may not be audible to any body else, but it sure is audible to me.  The noise is my thoughts.  I need to pay bills, make the grocery list, do a few loads of laundry, get supper started, call that person back, and the list keeps going and the noise is still there.

Silence...........YIKES!!!!!!!!!!  My to-do list is impossible!!!!

How do I get my thoughts focused on God?  How can I "listen" to Him if I am instead listing everything that needs to be done?  I have to find true silence.  I have to focus and pray for the "noise" to stop before my true "Quiet Time" begins.  I am not good at that.  Sometimes I just sit down like it is a duty to read my Bible not like it is a joy to read my Bible.  I have to really get alone with God.  Really listen.  Really be ready to learn.  I have to stop the noise in my head.

We all know the verse Ps 46:10a "Be still, and know that I am God".  How can we be still?

I have to ask for it.  I have to pray for the thoughts rushing my mind to stop.  I have to pray for those quiet moments throughout my day.  I might not have but just a moment to spend with God some days, but every moment I do spend reading and praying is a moment of strength.  That strength is what helps me get through the rest of the noise of my day.

Today's Verse
Isaiah 30:15b "In returning and rest shall ye be saved:  in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength"

If I don't turn everything off, including my own thoughts, I will not get that quietness that is required to give me strength.  I cannot "hear" what God might be saying through His Word, if I am listening to other thoughts.  Later in the same chapter of Isaiah verse 21 we read "And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee saying, This is the way, walk ye in it..."  I cannot hear that direction if I am not focused and truly seeking His direction in my life.  Silence is a must to seek His will.

Silence...........Golden!!!!!!!!  And truly needed for the strength to make it through the day.



If you are looking for a good, quick and encouraging devotion for today, I really did enjoy the Proverbs 31 Devo today.  The link is below if you have a moment to read it (in silence hopefully).  It really hit home for me today!
http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2012/02/im-beyond-hurt.html

Cartoons...not just for little ones

It has been a crazy winter for our family as far as sickness is concerned.  We have never experienced so much in one season.  There were several rounds of doctor visits through Christmas.  We had to miss several important events because of sickness.  And, it has not really improved through January.  I know it could be worse, and we are blessed to have access to medical help, but it has been disheartening.  My littlest one had a ruptured ear drum last week because of an ear infection.  Then the oldest one was up all night just last night with a fever.  After yet another visit to the doctor this morning, she has a sinus infection.  We have been to that doctor's office so many times in the months of December and January it is crazy!

We are supposed to be in the happiest place on earth next week.  Yes, we are scheduled to visit Disney World.  We are so very excited (although if you have read in the days past you know I am a little anxious as well).  But, with all this sickness, I am praying constantly that we will be able to go.

It's funny how the Lord used a time of waiting for the Dr. to teach me something through a children's cartoon.  We were watching Hermie, a video series by Max Lucado.  It was a new one the girls got for Christmas.  Hermie and Wormie were having a conversation that taught me a lesson and spoke volumes to my heart.  Hermie was saying it was so hard to have faith when you can't see what is going to happen.  Does that sound familiar?  We have been discussing that very thing.  I just said yesterday that I just wanted to be able to see what was going to happen.  But Wormie's response was so perfect, "But that is what faith is all about."

Yes, that is what faith is all about...trusting when we can't see what the future holds.   I do not know why we had to miss another day of school, my husband had to push back his flight, and we are not going to be able to do the things we planned for today.  But the bigger picture is, I have faith that I don't need to understand why my little girlies are sick.  I have faith they will get better.  I have faith even when I can't see what is going to happen.

Today's Verse
"I sought he LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears."  Ps 34:4

What a soothing verse in times of trouble.  Soothing because we can seek Him.  Soothing because He hears us.  And soothing because He can and He will "deliver me from all my fears."  ALL is such a big and powerful word.  But it is right there in black and white...ALL MY FEARS.

We needed a soothing verse today and as always, the Lord provided.  Now we just need some soothing popsicles to help with these scratchy throats.  Good thing I happen to have some in the freezer.  Sickness stinks, but we are still keeping a smile on our faces.  Sickness means books and lots of snuggling and some TV watching.  I am so glad God can speak to my heart even through a cartoon.  Always be prepared to learn and hear from God, even if it is a video recommended for 3-8 years old.

I can see clearly now...

So two songs have constantly been playing in my head today.  One is the old hymn "At the Cross".  We sang it at the church we attended yesterday.  It is a favorite hymn of mine, and I have had it going through my head, which is certainly not a bad thing.  The other song is an oldie,  "I can see clearly now the rain is gone."  Both songs have to do with having a happy and bright day.  With "At the Cross", the chorus ends with "And now I am happy all the day", and with "I can see clearly" the chorus ends with "It's going to be a bright bright bright bright sun shiny day".

I need to see clearly today.  Even though I have the greatest gift of salvation, I am not living out my "happy all the day" like I am suppose to.  I am still focusing on the fact that I can't see the future clearly, and it is still scaring me.  I am still burdened by the unknown.  The fear of the future is still hovering over me, and just another "fear" to add to my list.  This sin of fearing the future is preventing me from seeing clearly.  I need to be looking clearly at the many blessings and not the unknowns.  Looking clearly at the fact that God IS working in my life.  Looking clearly for further instruction and guidance.  Looking clearly at His love and the light He is providing in my life.

I was singing the second song because of a pep talk my husband was giving me yesterday.  We have been talking about the unknown again this weekend.  Our house was viewed by two families this weekend.  Will they buy?  If so, what will we do?  You have all heard me ask the questions before, but the questions are still there.  Where to go to church?  Where to send our daughter to kindergarten?  Should we keep the house for sale?  All these questions, and when is God going to point us in the clear direction???  During the pep talk, my husband said, "We will be able to see it clearly once it has all been worked out."

Well of course we can see it then silly!  But what if I want to see it before it happens?  How can I handle not seeing clearly now?  I pictured myself singing this song once God's plan is revealed.

First I am so thankful for a patient God who forgives me with all my faults and fears.  I am also thankful for my patient husband who tries to help me see past my fears and keep me focused on God's will for our lives.  I am also thankful that even though I was having a whiny, what do we do,  kind of weekend, I am able to be renewed each day.  This verse has been resonating in  my mind this weekend,  "For which cause we faint not (we do not lose heart); but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day."  2 Cor 4:16.

I wanted to lose heart this weekend and focus on the scary unknown.  Thankfully each day our inward self is renewed by our faith in Jesus.  Each day is a new start, a fresh start, and a new chance to focus on Him.  I might not be able to see the future clearly, but I can see Jesus clearly in His Word, and in hymns, and in our daily lives.

Today's Verse
"WHEREFORE seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience (perseverance)  the race that is set before us."  Heb 12:1

I am laying aside my fear of the future today.  I am not saying I might never pick it up again, but I am laying it aside today.  I want to be "happy all the day", and to do so I cannot run with any baggage.  Fear is baggage.  This race that is before us is our life that God has granted us with.  To run it for Him we must not lose heart; we must be renewed; we must persevere, and we must focus on the goal which is living for God and not living in fear.  We can see clearly when we know He is running along side us and cheering us on with every step.

For every action...

Does anybody recall this Newton's Law from school?

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I did take one physics course in high school and another in college, and I did enjoy them.  But I can honestly say I still do not understand the stuff very much.  I am talking today about the reaction law in reference to our actions or reactions in terms of our fears.

Here's the thing...I am by far a drama queen.  I can overreact with the best of them.  I can definitely turn my molehills into mountains.  And, I can have these same overreactions to my worries and fears.  If I allow the devil to throw his darts of doubt, and get inside my thinking, I can take the smallest incident and make it life altering.

But you see, I also now have four little eyes watching my every move.  For every action I take in regards to my fears, they will absorb it and in turn think it is okay to react that same way.  If Mommy is fearful, I should be fearful.  If Mommy is upset, I should be upset.  If Mommy is not depending on God, I can't depend on God either.

Two very recent examples include...
1)  Last week we came home late to an empty house.  Daddy is having to travel a little more than normal and he was still away.  Some things happened that to say the least, scared me quite a bit.  I wanted to really have a break down.  I really wanted to show my fear and my worries.  The drama queen was itching to rule her ugly head.  But, there sat my two precious girls on the couch.  My oldest asks, "Is everything ok Mommy?"   I cannot tell her "No Mommy is too scared, let's get out of here."  Which did, in all honesty cross my mind.  Instead it was a great teaching moment to show how we depend on God to protect us and face our fears.  When we trust Him in our scaredy cat moments, we are teaching our children to trust Him when they are afraid as well.

2)  Just this very week, my oldest daughter's preschool was put on lock-down.  There was an apparent gunman on the community college campus next to her school, and the whole area was off limits as the search was on.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to try to get back on her campus just to be there with her.  I knew they wouldn't let me in, but I wanted to be as close as I could be.  I paced.  I made calls.  Did I mention I wanted to cry?  I then saw my youngest daughter's big brown eyes looking at me as if she might cry as well.  I was scaring her with my actions.  I was reacting to my fears by being more fearful and not fully trusting in God's protective power.  My youngest daughter turned 22 months this week, and she is repeating everything we do and say.  I do not want her repeating my overreaction to fears.  The matter was resolved quickly, and my oldest daughter really has no idea what even happened that day.  But it was another reminder in a weeks time that made me realize I do not want to raise fearful children.

I want to strengthen their faith in God every single chance I get.  If I react to my fears by not relying on God's power, they will in turn not know how to react to their fears by trusting in Him.  I am to teach them by not only words but by my example of depending on Him for everyday issues as well as frightening issues.

I have talked about keeping my guard up when it comes to controlling my fears.  Just when you think you have a fear conquered, there can be a new incident that stirs a certain fear back up again.  We have to never let our guard down when it comes to our fears.  The devil will use any chance he can get to make us fearful and not rely on God.  Keep those Bible verses handy that can help squelch those fears (2 Tim 1:7, Ps 56:3, Ps 27:1)  There are so many good ones.  That is why we are to hide God's word in our hearts to resist the temptation to fear.  And we are to teach our children these verses as well.  Our kids are sponges, and soaking up God's Word is the best thing they can copy cat.   I really had not had an "I am scared" moment while my husband has been away in quite a long time, but in just a matter of seconds I had one.  I had to pull out my sleeping verse (Ps 4:8) to be able to rest that night, but I was so glad I had it hidden in my heart to provide the comfort I needed.

Today's verse
"Thou art my hiding place and my shield:  I hope in thy word."  Psalms 119:114

We can hope in His word so that our actions and reactions reflect God's love and our confidence in God's power.  He is our hiding place.  He is our shield.  It is a true blessing to know that for every dart the devil throws my way, I can react with a verse  to avoid the hit.

Living...really living (with phobias)

I am going to be brutally honest and share something that is hard for me to admit.  This is in all honesty.  I have many phobias.  Phobia is a specific fear of one particular thing.  And, if it wasn't for God's strength I would not leave my house very often, if at all.  I am a germaphobe, and it seems to increase during the winter months when flu and stomach bugs run rampant.   Germaphobia is more technically known as mysophobia, and I can honestly say I don't know how my case has progressed the way it has.  It is a fear of contact with germs, and if I let Satan get the best of me, I could easily become an agoraphobe, or someone who has a fear of leaving their house.

We just in recent years started to hear the word germs.  It was never talked about when I was younger.  We did wash our hands before we ate, but we didn't carry around hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes.  The constant talk of protecting yourself and your little ones from becoming sick is in the news.  Germs and super bugs and flu outbreaks are in the headlines.  I never got a flu shot until my doctor kept encouraging me to do so when I was pregnant with my first child.  Now, "everyone get your flu shot" is all we hear during these months.

It is not that I just fear germs, but I fear getting food poison when eating  out, and I really struggle with staying in hotels and traveling.  I have had panic attacks and break downs, and I have to keep my guard up with these fears.  When these nagging worries of my children getting sick and myself getting sick and not being able to take care of them occur, I had to start viewing my favorite verse (Phil 4:13) in a new light.  It has become a constant struggle, one I don't dare talk about.  I just simply prefer to be home.

This was all the more reason why traveling and especially traveling alone was such a struggle.  I was not only scared for my girls being without me, but just the fear of staying away from home was so hard.  I have never elaborated on my struggles but my with husband.   The only other time I have had to fly by myself a few years ago, I had a panic attack.  I had a connecting flight in DC.  I had to get on a bus when getting off the plane to get to the terminal.  It smelled funny and it was so hot.  Then the small terminal was so crowded.  There was no where to sit and we could hardly move; I just panicked.  I couldn't breath.  I couldn't move.  I desperately wanted out!  I made it to my destination, obviously, but not without much prayer along with counseling and support from my husband via the phone.

I say all this not for sympathy.  Some might be thinking, "Wow, I know how you feel."  Some might be thinking, "Wow, you are strange.  Get over it."  But I am simply saying that I have these struggles, and by God's grace and mercy and strength, I am able to walk out my door and live everyday knowing He is in control.  I have His peace that can calm my fears.  Yes I have to call on Him many times and day and ask Him to calm my fears and anxieties, but without fail He always does.

Today's Verse
"I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."  John 10:10b

I am able to have a more abundant life because of Jesus' salvation and His strength that helps me live.  I can move past my fears and look for His guidance to get me through the tough days.  I depend on Him to help me live and really live live, not just exist.

I would like to end with two quotes that I ran across last week with the help of my husband.  First, he was able to meet Richard Marcinko, the founder of Seal Team 6.  On his picture he has this quote, "If you only did what you wanted to do, you'd be missing out on life itself: because life is part pain and part pleasure, the person who tries to live only the 'good' parts of life is the one who ends up not living at all..." 


Of course we may fear pain.  Nobody really likes pain.  But we don't want to not live because of the fear of pain.  Pain and disappointments are a part of life.  We can't avoid them.  We have to lean on God to get us through the pain and help us really live through the good and the bad.  I don't want to miss out on life and all God has in store for me because of fear.

Second, my husband is reading a book on Abraham Lincoln right now.  President Lincoln said, "I know I am in danger, but I am not going to worry over little things like these.  If I am killed I can die but once,  but   to live in constant dread is to die over and over again."


I like this quote from our 16th president.  If I were to live in constant dread of leaving our house, I would simply never leave.  And it would be like dying if I am not out really living.  We have to step out and really live for Christ.  If we don't, think of everything we will miss (like what we talked about yesterday.)  Everytime I saw a new site or a magnificent creation of God that my eyes had never seen, I would think to myself, "If I had given in to my fear, I would have missed this."  I don't want to miss life; I want to live it and I mean really LIVE it.

I would have missed it!

Fear.  I am scared.  I am afraid.  I am terrified.

These words and phrases have been in my vocabulary far too much recently.  Fear is an emotion that can stop us from living.  Fear is an emotion sent straight from Satan himself.  Fear is a choice.  Fear should never be an option, but often we let it overcome our faith.

To be fearless is to be faithful, but in return, to be fearful is to be faithless.

I want to choose faithful.  I want to choose fearless.  I want to choose it every chance I get.  Today's memory verse for the girls was Philippians 1:21 "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

I want to live for Christ.  I can't do that if I am being fearful.  I struggle with this emotion more than I let on.  I want to explore this topic over the next couple of days.  It is a topic that has been all around me since the new year began.  It is a topic, that quite frankly as ironic as it sounds, scares me.  If I am completely fearless and step out in complete faith, what exactly will God call me to do?

But, for today, I wanted to share something God laid on my heart during our trip last week.  You see, as I said before, I was so fearful of going.  I was fearful of leaving my girls.  I was fearful of flying alone.  I was constantly saying 2 Tim 1:7 "For God has not given us the spirit of fear..." and Ps 56:3 "What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee."  Yes, they offered a peace, but I still had this nagging fear.

The Lord provided another verse to recite during my fearful times.  And it was the peace icing on my scaredy cat cake.

Today's Verse
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"  Psalms 27:1

Let's replace the word "whom" with "what" and read it again.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; what shall I fear?  The LORD is the strength of my life; of what shall I be afraid?"

I am so glad He is our light.  I am so glad He is the strength of our life.  I am so glad I have nothing to fear or be afraid of because of those promises.

Could tragedy have occurred while I was away?  Yes, it very well could.  But, I cannot live my life thinking of the those things that might happen.

If I would have stayed home because I let my fears get the best of me, I would have missed...

-Seeing the Grand Canyon and other treasures from the plane window...God's creation from a wonderful viewpoint.
-Driving out to the Grand Canyon with my husband...we saw so many wonderful sites including the Hoover Dam, complete nothingness, and drove on bumpy dirt roads with cows walking along side us.  FUN!
-Getting as close to the edge as we dared while looking one whole mile down...I have to say I was not as brave as my husband.
-Hiking up a small little mountain...though we didn't go all the way to the top, half way up was still so rewarding.
-Spending some wonderful quality time with my husband...anytime we get an uninterrupted meal and talk time is so valued.
-Seeing a part of his work that is so important to his job...the Lord has blessed my husband with his career and we know it is all a gift from God.
-Even though it is sin city, the lights of Las Vegas were pretty...the views from our hotel were amazing also.
-Speaking of views, having our last breakfast together before I came back home while watching the sun peak over the mountains...simply breathtaking. (And the cinnamon roll we shared was heavenly too)
-Hearing that my oldest daughter prayed that "Mommy will not be afraid when she has to get on the plane all by herself."...and then when she hugged me when I got home and she whispered to me "Mommy I prayed for you."
-Hugging and squeezing my girls when I ran through the door...and getting to give them their prizes that made them sooooo excited (glow in the dark shirts are so cool!).

I am so thankful for the opportunity to go on this trip, and I am so thankful God strengthened me and allowed me to go with minimal fears.  There is still so much to share about the topic, so until tomorrow let's step out today and live fearless in complete faithfulness.

I made it!

Even though I have been "home" in NC since Tuesday night, I still have not seen our actual house.  I am ready for my bed.  Doesn't it always feel so good to lay down in your own bed after being away?  It is nice to be here with my parents.  My girls love spending time here.  They have so much fun, and it is nice to have help getting everyone to bed.  But my bed is calling my name.  We plan to make the trek home this evening and then back to the airport tomorrow to pick up Daddy.  YAY!

The original plan was to go home yesterday, but those plans were changed when my oldest daughter got a fever and started complaining with cold symptoms.  I knew she would not be able to attend school today, so the joint decision was made to stay on here.  The girls are now both suffering with runny noses, but they have still played a little today and will hopefully be feeling better tomorrow in time for Dad's arrival.

I did make the trip back alone across the country with no major hiccups.  I hope to share experiences and the tips in overcoming of my fears that I learned.  Today I wanted to share a quick story God placed in my path right when I needed it.  I know we talked about God always providing the right thing at the right time last week, so I had to share this...

We were making the final packing decisions and getting everything ready Saturday morning.  We would be coming to my parents for a birthday party and then be spending the night there as well.  Our flight was 6:50 am, and it takes an hour to get there, so early early early was the plan for the next day.

I was feeling nervous  as I got the girls' outfits ready for church the next day.  They would be going with my mom and dad.  But, what if something happens?  What if they get sick?  What if they need me in some way?  What if, what if, what if?  I needed to go back and read my own post about the "what if" woozles.  I was seriously having major second thoughts.  I sat on the edge of my bed and pulled out a book my mom gave me for Christmas last year.  It is a devotion book for moms of preschoolers.  I read from it frequently during hectic weekends for encouragement and to spend a few precious minutes with God.  What do you think the topic for this particular day was about?  None other than going away with your husband.

Wow, God did you really make this be the topic where my bookmark was placed?  Today of all days, you sent this comfort just for me.  I didn't even feel worthy of His presence as I read what was so obviously meant for my eyes to see that very moment.  The wife in the devotion argued about leaving their two year old son.  She didn't want to go on a weekend getaway with her husband.  Yes she knew he would be ok with her parents, but it was still scary.  She was even a little mad that maybe her husband was acting like a baby himself  because he wanted to go so bad.  She had asked the same what if questions I had just asked.  She really wasn't sure about the trip just like I really wasn't sure about our trip.

But, the reality is, we as wives need to spend time with our husbands.  No matter if it is a date night or an actual night or two away from our little ones, we need that time.  Her heart softened and she went on their anniversary trip.  My heart melted as I knew we were going to place our children in God's hand as we are to do everyday, and I was going to go with faith in my back pocket on our late anniversary trip as well.

God had provided that story at such the perfect time.  Talk about a sign from God.  It was a bonk over the head telling me to trust and to go.  And I am so glad we went!

Today's Verses
"Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  Phill 4:6-7

God gave me a peace that could have only been sent through Him.  He gave me His peace that passes all our own understanding.  What kind of relief or peace are you in need of today?  Make your request known!  He is listening.

I also wanted to share a link that you might could look at over the weekend if time allows.  I love listening to Focus on the Family.  I cried during their commercial of the children reciting John 3:16 last weekend during the famous football game.  They have talked about that commercial on their broadcast this week.  I have enjoyed listening and catching up on some past broadcasts while I was away.  The link to listen anytime to past broadcasts is below.  I especially loved the talk on motherhood by Lysa  Terkeurst yesterday and today.  Even if you are not a mother, this is a great testimony on what God does through others.  I hope you check it out!


http://feeds.feedburner.com/FocusOnTheFamilyDailyBroadcast