Thursday, September 22, 2011

But I worked so hard....

Have you ever said that phrase when something you worked on just didn't pan out?  I am the queen of thinking or saying "But I worked so hard...".  The Lord had already laid this thought on my heart this morning as I was driving back home this morning.  The girls were watching Wonder Pets and my mind was on writing topics.  Driving, showers, and nap time seem to be my most inspirational times.  I didn't know that He was giving me this topic in order to prepare me for what was to come once we got home.  More about that in a minute.

My first and most important time I believe I said this quote was during the labor and delivery of my first daughter.  Now, I will admit that the Good Lord has erased most of my memory of the pain and anguish that I went through in those 17 hours, but I still have a few vivid memories.  One, was asking my husband to never make me do this again.  As we can see with the birth of our second daughter, that was not something I meant!  My other memory was when the Dr. told me I was going to have to have the C-section.  I just remember saying over and over that I had worked so hard.  I couldn't believe this was happening.  Why couldn't I have her naturally?  But, thankfully the Lord blessed us with a healthy baby girl. And, even though I felt like a failure at giving birth, I was quickly able to change my thoughts when I held Macie for the first time.

I also feel like a loser when I work so hard on a project, only to have it rejected, or it simply does not receive the response I was hoping for.  That can be disappointing.  But, I am slowly realizing I have to view it as a learning experience and move on.  Another thing that has recently made me whine that I have worked too hard is preparing the house for a showing.  With our house for sale, we have to keep it clean, which can be hard with the two little ones pulling out every toy fifty times a day.  When someone calls to say they are coming, I work like a crazy woman getting everything just perfect, only to have our hopes dashed when we later find out they like another house better. But, the positive side is I have a spotless house, at least for a few hours.

Today, my "but I worked so hard" moment came with trying to do two small projects for my husband.  It was on the computer.  It involved some ordering and designing a new business card.  I was also trying to finish up and order our new Directories for church.  In other words, I was trying to do too many things at one time, all while trying to entertain the little one.  That is one thing I hate about preschool.  I am the only entertainment around when her big Sissy is gone.  I had things mess up, and I got frustrated, and I finally gave up on some of my tasks.  Some were accomplished, but some were not, and I felt once again like a failure.

You know the devil uses those time when we feel defeated to really bring us down.  He can make us feel so bad about ourselves.  You can have negative thoughts that seem impossible to get over.  When we work so hard and the end result is not what we had longed for, it can be a game crusher.

Today's Verse
"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before."  Phil 3:13

"Forgetting those things which are behind" is so hard to do.  We have to move past our past mistakes.  Things didn't go my way.  I had worked hard.  I must learn from it and keep on.  God had a reason for my unplanned C-section, for things not going my way some days, and even the mistakes that I have made.   I have to put them behind me and reach for "those things which are before".  Look toward the future and know that the hard work will pay off in the end.  You can't have a child without the delivery, no matter what kind of delivery it is.  You can't work for Christ without experiencing some hurt and rejection along the way.  The next verse in Philippians is a favorite for most, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."  Press towards the mark with me!  Get past the poor poor pitiful me, and keep on keeping on!

Don't whine about how hard you worked.  Just keep working for Him!

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